The Uncensored Truth

I am constantly in world that has come of age to recognize more and more freedoms for the GLBT community. For example, as I write this, Gay Marriage in the State of California (my old home state) is just a few weeks away into coming into law. That is, if it is not taken away. Wow what a long ways we have come if we get there.....

(To note I wrote this after reading an a thread on carriefairfield, although I'm not a poster to online threads as I use to be, I solely write now for educational and personal thoughts of my expressions instead of debating on threads of either negative feedback- I find this benefits more then dragging on a subject to just lay it all out there) (The Information on this blog is put together by either first hand knowledge, friend accounts, factual statistics, and informative advice)


Being a Transsexual, and Survivor of the Fittest.

From the outside world , many believe even within in our own community that we live in a world of make believe. Other would go as far to say, as attention getters, freaks of nature, or mentally condemned to a body that you feel is not right for you.

I have been out of work for the last five years. I was fired from Corporate job at the age of 21 because there was no hiding the fact and yet my managers and Directors new that I had been on hormones and was planning on going full time to live from man to woman, I could no longer hide the fact as I was looking more and sounding more like a woman each day till co-workers and clients that did not know me started to say mam, and then I was fired.

I have persistently tried to get a job. I have applied for hundreds of jobs over the years and gone though 10 interviews that come to mind and let me tell you, I was offered the job at each of these interviews, but each time when I was suppose to get that call after I left after they finished doingn a background check on me, companies alway came up with a way to say "they found someone more qualified for the job" or "at this time they have decided not to put anyone in the position ".

Let me give you a little about my background. Any job I have ever had, as I've had to work since 14 years of age, I always got. There was no interview, no task or qualification that I didn't or couldn't obtain to have.

I've had to look at all the rejections letters and look around to see where I am today from where I was before I went through my transition. Now also let me tell you this.

I never publicly told anyone that I was a transsexual. My Drivers License says Female and I am passable and never had a problem getting clocked (but now with the Revolution) it easy for even the most beautiful of transsexuals to get clocked as this was all tabboo and just coming more and more out in the public when I first lived day to day.

As far as the world and discrimination comes to equal rights for all, at this time let me be the first to say as I've lived it until now in 2008, it has not.

The justice system, Corporate America, Health Insurance companies, and yes even the Entertainment companies that want to stereotype any transgender person, as either "a tranny mess" a "tranny hooker" and lets not forget "oh don't tell me you use to be a man". Now to alot of us its funny but those that have to live this life of transsexualism its always a slap in the face as even if we laugh at those jokes with our friends, deep down we are hit with the reality of our life that one day, for future generations that they will not have to go through what we have in the face of pure in simple "Rejection".


Its a terrible injustice about the statistics out there. It is a horrible fact that transsexuals have to work in the sex industry to be able to afford there lifestyle. Rather it be prostitution/escorting, or porn. But as many may think that transsexuals are just trying to comp money for the body beautiful look or surgery, or the high end fashion statement , which can often be true, but also for the ones that do it on the side or on the downlow in order to just survive to the street walkers that were not given enough chances or support system, I find it a slap in the face to listen to one transsexual escort that will make a horrible remark about a transsexual "street walker'. Because trust they are in the same, just some were able to get to the higher level and not get stuck in drugs or poverty but as we close in to getting older those transsexual sex workers might find they they already know they are one step away from being the ones they laugh at on the street.

The most common fact or fiction is that the crazy trannys out there are all hyped on more hormones then they should be and are all illegal drug addicts and alcoholics. To an extent a lot are. After all if you have to go through all these different "rejections" and how you have to make your coins, some may justify to the fact that yes, they party or use illegal drugs to deal with coping and how dare anyone judge them. However, yes did they not just judge someone else for what they called a street walker for doing the same idealistic thing?

The small percentage of transsexuals that are not escorting or into the drug scene, and let me honest it is a small percentage, rather we admit this or not the fact are out there. These individuals are either from different countries or the children that are now growing up trans gender that have been given the chance that we didn't with a loving a family and the option to start hormones and gender reassignment surgery at an adolescent age. Have been able to go on and seek reputable careers and lifes outside of this dark and taboo scene.

I think that in my lifetime that I will see this revolution, unfold and there will not be the obstacles, discriminations and challenges for those of us that had to fight, fight to just live and survive in the end.

The high rate of statistics for transsexual suicide is alarming. They are at higher risk then ANY other ethnic, gender, race, color creed you name it, but suicide and homicide leads higher to the transsexual world.

What is one to do that doesn't know how they are going to eat? The easy thing in the world is to post an ad or walk the street and sell your body for sex. The next thing to do is to become an adult entertainer (porn) that you may think will make you the money to be rich and successful but is not merely the case as many escorts already know that are not porn stars don't get into the business because they can't get the money the could make in one session from a jon, but the risk are much lower then escorting although many don't do both (coincide) for reasons of there own which have many reasons.

In this day and of age when people say "they are accepting" and "equal employment " it is not. It is still black and white for the Trans Community.

So what are you to do , as for myself I've had to look over the last few years and amaze myself that I'm still alive. I can't tell you now of what I have gone through in my personal life and though I might be writing this all in a third voice from an outside prospected I always right it as common fact.

It doesn't matter how passable or beautiful you are. This is the first preconception that transsexuals that are pretty can do anything they want. WRONG. They face the same challenges as the not so passable transsexual on the street if they have to be put in different situations.

Transsexuals are just pre-Madonnas trying to be the ultimate drag queen. Some are I totally agree, but to others its a pay check and a career choice. So absolutely the stress that is on those "girls" to look there best with getting pumped usually illegally at silicone party's, and cosmetic surgery's are a must because that is where there pay check comes from how it use to be that talent got you so far in that business now its face forward honey so if you don't look fish enough, forget those back flips it won't matter, its coming of age in the drag community of those that were the founders and trend sitters of an era of what use to be has now become.

What I find amazing are the Trannsexuals, out there that are still humble. It use to be something rare to find, especially when I started out, it was one of my quality's that I still have today, and thankfully as more "trannys" pop up out of the woodwork, they aren't the bitter bitches of yester years but remember those transsexuals from the 80s and 90s though the great that were Great remain today as icons, they had to fight harder then we are today so those icons and heros in the community will always have my undying gratitude as well as the "bitches" that weren't as humble because that had to do what we are still doing today, paving the way to the Revolution.


So in this blog, you may not seek the answers that you are looking for, but the questions to the layman out there that ask a million and one questions and have no idea what transsexuals actually go through or for the gay boy out there that wants to roll his eyes or talk trash about a transsexual let me tell you this. You have no idea what the challenges we must go through on a day to day bases. I myself might not know if I'm going to have a place to live if I can't somehow come up with the money that some take for granted. Its not about looking great and feeling gorgeous its about being yourself in how you perceive yourself. To the nelly little queen that has rocking out Dior and designer clothes, is this to what you are trying to do, because trust me honey, with a transsexual, if you live right we age well to the percentages of us who make it and when I say make it , I'm not talking about making it famous, I'm talking about staying alive. Now that might seem like a negative to say that when your losing your hair and with a fat stomach and botox can not save those lines and roughness in your skin, becareful...Be very careful before you judge anyone because Karma is a Bitch.

To the Corporations out there that turn transgender people down for jobs, let me tell you that transsexuals are by far the brightest on an IQ level that would be more of asset to your company then 20men. Some not all. But the percentage that can back that up there so before you think your saving your company some embarrassment what you need to think is, how you could save your company some money.

To the Pageants systems out there and fans that want to say that a Adult Worker, rather Porn or Escorts, should not hold a national title in the gay pageant systems, please, the biggest and most hurtful comments are usually made by our own community which I hope one day changes and I do see that changing now slowly, but for those Queens that do what they Do on and Off stage, Props to them, if they can focus on having 2-3 different careers at once. They are what we call entrepreneurs. That should not have to answer one way or another in this chapter. If its a carrier move is one thing but remember if that what they had to do to pay for there outlandish costumes, backup dancers, body and beauty work and everything else then went into a production, how the hell do you penalize what you love to see or not see ? -

And then you wonder why so many Transsexuals live in dingy little places in bad areas or small studios, its because they can't afford to live like a Queen even if they Look like one.


To the Tricks or Jons out there, before you start bargaining with Transsexual Escort first remember that they probably want nothing to do with you and they have to do what they have to do in order to live, so if anything tip well if that is what your into. And if you have to ask to the worker you with, "if your straight" then your probably not realistically so don't ask. - I find it amusing to hear or read about these encounters.

To the future generation. There is much hope for you , that you will not go through all the trials and tribulations that the rest of us have gone through. For all the suffering, all the heartache of rejection either from men, jobs , or the bitch behind the counter at a store, one day at least here in America what we call the Land of the Free - unlike a lot of other countries that transsexuals never have to go through any of this but then again, this Country has some explaining to do for the last 8 years.


Don't give up , as there is Hope. I have been rich and I have been poor, and it is a cycle I have gone through my entire life, and now I am as poor as I have ever been, I'm on the floor writing all this because I have no furniture just to note, but that ok because I've been though this before, I know that I personally have to struggle and pray to my God- yes I hope He is your God to as so many people has lost faith , I still believe in my Savor Jesus Christ and I hope you will get to know him if you do not now, because I am a walking living miracle by his hand every day that I wake up and one day I'll tell my own story and I hope that my journey, struggles, life experiences and all the tragedies as I've had so very many that no one should have to go through, it will help millions out there to show there is HOPE. When you think You can't go on, just remember, If I can do it, you can do it, because trust me when I say I'm no Role model but my life experience has lead me to be a somewhat kind of expert as well as thousands of friends I have had over the years to show you my Version of the LIGHT.